Journal Entries from Christmas Past
I’ve been going through my old journals, looking for scraps from stories that haven’t quite made it into my computer, pieces of characters for the books I’m writing that already exist on paper somewhere but are not yet official.
Instead, I find this:
Carlos said he’d grow his hair back if I’d be his girlfriend. I told him I can’t because I’m getting married, I’m just not officially engaged yet. Carlos has done nothing but proposition me since the day we met which makes me laugh because nothing will (or even would have aside from Jon) come of it. But he is a good guy, fun, and attractive.
Ironic, I don’t remember this. I vaguely recall the person I’m referencing, but I don’t really remember the particulars aside from a fleeting memory of him grabbing my hand at college and saying, “Let’s skip class and go make out instead.” I remember that moment because my ears burned red and I pulled my hand away, flustered, and said absolutely not. I can’t remember why not, but honestly, until the re-reading of my old journals, remembered it as a one time occurrence. Interestingly enough, it wasn’t.
How do we forget these things? How do we not know them in the moment. From my journals, I would tell my younger self that this was a man that was truly interested in something – maybe just physical – but something about me. Yet, in my journals it is also clear that I was perfectly unaware of it all and I wrote about him as though he was scenery.
What else did I miss?
Anakalian Whims 
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