I was reading a blog earlier this evening (http://anthropologist.wordpress.com/2009/12/20/limits-gardening-up-in-the-air/) about “Up in the Air” a story recently made into a movie by Walter Kirn. It caught my eye because I work at a bookstore and I was shelving a few books by Kirn the other day and thought, “Didn’t they just make that a movie? Splendid, someone will be looking for this soon.”
Anyhow, while reading this blog, I kept thinking how clever the author was to pull little quirks of her daily life into her reviews. It seems personable and fun.
I do no such thing. My book reviews are a few lines about the book and anything I was reminded of by that book.
Then I realized that I do no such thing, because I don’t exactly have a life to mention. I read at home, make lists of what I shall read, clean my house, love my husband, pet and feed the dogs, read some more. I go to work and shelve books all day thinking about what I will read when I get home, I even read for an hour on my lunch break. When I get home I clean the house, pet the dogs, love my husband, and read some more. When I’m done reading, I write. I write books that will probably never be published, but I am so engrossed in my own storylines I don’t care; and I write reviews for a blog no one reads.
Then, I put my laptop down and read some more.
I am not complaining. I think I lead a very adventurous life… In my head. But my lack of interaction, excitement, and deviation from routine causes a lack in my writing.
Now, I have much to ponder.
Except, I’ll probably post this, close my laptop, finish my book, journal, and write a review of said book. Because, for me, the act of reviewing is my only act… until a new whim hits me.
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I just finished reading Madame Bovary by Gustav Flaubert, yet another piece of literature addressing the theme of fantasy versus reality. This piece of work should join the ranks of Cervantes’ Don Quixote and Austen’s Northanger Abbey as all the main characters read novel after novel and for some reason become all goofy stupid because of it. Don Quixote is quite funny, though annoying, in all his follies and delusions; Catherine visits the Abbey and acts quite the silly little girl. Emma Bovary on the other hand is a different kind of delusional altogether, she is not funny in her silliness, there is no part of her antics that bring any kind of nostalgic giggle to my heart. Emma Bovary has confused the fruitless passion of romance novels with what she wants for her life, and unfortunately for all involved, that kind of love is not realistic, long-lasting, or even truly desirable. There is so much more to love than what she sells herself short for.
Kristen Stewart, actress, as Bella Swan in the Twilight Saga movies
While reading Madame Bovary and coming to these conclusions, I couldn’t help but compare this theme to the realities of today – to the fad that is known as the Twilight Saga. Since I first read Stephenie Meyer’s books I have told people the story-line of the Twilight Saga is terribly frustrating because it sets unrealistic and pitiful standards on the beautiful thing that is love. Not to say the books are inherently bad, they were entertaining and held my attention until the end, but there are so many things young men and women should understand when sitting down to read these novels. Well, one thing specifically: Edward is not real. Jacob is not real. These boys do not exist, they will never exist. And truth be told, they don’t act like real men, and in the end, even if they did exist, you would be unsatisfied. Beware of expecting the wrong things and becoming the next Madame Bovary, wench of all wenches.
Below is a review of Twilight my sister Nikki Dawn Bratton wrote:
As a woman, I am captivated by the emotional suspense that Stephanie Meyer artfully crafts as this classic romance unfolds.
Classic, you say? Falling in love with a vampire? Yes, classic. As Bella Swan’s desperate desire builds and unravels, it is increasingly clear that the imminent danger in this novel is not so specifically falling in love with a “vampire”. If it were, then the plot would be too fictional to strike so much fear in my heart. It would be too fictional to draw in so many female fanatics ready to ride the thrilling emotional roller coaster.
No, vampires don’t make this story scary – it’s the classic romance driven by the understanding that love is some uncontrollable force that you “fall” into. A young reader being shaped and impacted by this novel will gain the following detrimental (and false) insights on life and love:
True love is uncontrollable. Like Romeo and Juliet, Edward and Bella are drawn to each other. For Bella the mystery behind Edward Cullen is so intriguing that she cannot help but be drawn to him. By the time she finds out who he really is, she states simply “It doesn’t matter” because she is already hooked.
Love is about risk; therefore, the greater your willingness to risk, the greater the love. Bella’s desire to be close to Edward supersedes all her inhibitions. The danger he presents becomes irrelevant to her.
A woman’s emotional attraction and sensual stimulation are the best tools she has for determining how much risk is right for her to take. This is the only determining factor in how much she should “love” a man who has caught her attention. Bella seeks no counsel from her family, her friends, or anyone else. Her response to Edward is purely and solely based on her own inward thoughts, desires, and emotions.
The understanding that it is right for a woman to give as much as she deems correct. Bella constantly reminds Edward that it is her choice and her desire to be with him despite the danger. To this end, Edward concedes.
The scariest thing about this book is that it is shaping the hearts of young readers because culture largely already agrees with the underlying elements of classic romance novels. When you break it all down, it’s another story of an ordinary girl who notices something extraordinary in a man and offers him her whole heart for the desperate desire to be something other than ordinary to him – regardless of the cost. There is nothing fictional about such a scenario. Just the happy ending that satisfies our feminine longings.
The problem with this is what those insights lead to:
Women being unprotected and willing to enter secret relationships when they are captivated by something they see as extraordinary.
In this “fictional” love story, Bella’s inside information and personal experiences with Edward, unknown to all others, play out thrillingly. However, real life rarely packs the same sort of thrills. Just as Bella’s life hangs on Edward’s ability to control his own temptations, so are the lives of so many young ladies. They secretly place their hearts in the hands of young men who are struggling with their own secret addictions and temptations.
Men taking advantage of young girls willing to give themselves away out of emotional desire.
Although Edward knows and states that he is not good for her, she insists on being with him regardless of what logic or self-preservation dictate. Although our fictional hero, Edward, is able to resist the temptations that he feels, this is often not the case in the real world.
Women who cannot be satisfied with a real man, full of all the human flaws, not crafted on the pages of a romance novel. With this picture of romance in her head, will any man every really be worthy of a woman’s life long devotion? Edward’s captivating smile and chiseled body are immortal. Edward’s emotional attraction to her is a mirror of her own feelings. The total package is not reproducible outside the pages of a fictional romance.
Therefore, your chief concern when analyzing the cultural impact of Twilight should not be teens intrigued by vampires. It’s the “love” story that will eat them alive.
In short, read Twilight and New Moon, Eclipse and Breaking Dawn to your hearts content. Inwardly swoon all you want, but please, please, please, read Flaubert’s Madame Bovary as soon as you do. Get acquainted with Emma Bovary and understand her weakness for all affairs and selfishness, and remember that is not a road you want to take. Real love, real passionate and blissful love is patient, kind, does not envy, does not boast, is not rude or self-seeking, is not easily angered and keeps no record of wrong. It’s also a daily choice and a lot of hard work. Do it right and you will see the fruits of your labors. Do not expect butterflies and tingles every time you look at the object of your affection, but don’t be so certain that they ever completely desist either.
I love my fantasies, but I know I cannot be so involved in them to find reality boring. Books are awesome, but real life is the ultimate treat.
Buy Madame Bovary from Amazon.com
(And for fun, because I love this guy… http://musingsofahighschoolvampire.wordpress.com/2009/06/13/musings-of-a-high-school-vampire-cursing/)
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I’m related to a Nikki.
I climbed trees in a field with a Lauren.
I sat in the lap of an Aleeta.
I grew up with a J.R.
I sparred with a David.
I had a crush on an Ian.
I got kissed on the cheek by Jon.
I adopted an Alex.
I stood in a celtic wedding for a Stefany.
I made eyes at a Ray.
I wrote letters to a Mark.
I was friends with a Danielle.
I held hands and couldn’t let go of Jon.
I pissed off a Ricky.
I played Warlords in the cafe with a Chris.
I got drunk with a Seth.
I sat in a truck with a Justin.
I took long walks with a Ryan.
I got my very first kiss from Jon.
I gallivanted with a Jasper.
I went running with a Jared.
I made out with another Ryan.
I dated two Adams.
I stood up a Derek.
I finally got a chance to be with Jon.
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“I love his butt dimples, babe, you know what I’m talking about?”
“Yeah,” I responded, not paying attention as I typed words into a book people would probably never read.
“Butt dimples,” JJ Golightly snickered.
We were talking about the dog, as my husband playfully slapped him around and JJ pretended to complete her homework assignment, “You are not beautiful,” she muttered to a textbook picture of a naked British man. I wondered if the picture featured his butt dimples, I never took my eyes off my computer screen long enough to notice. I thought about my butt dimples.
We continued to discuss the fat Asian children also featured in the same textbook. “We should adopt Asian children, we could have our own fat Buddhas!” We quickly got over the excitement of the chubby Chinese kids and proceeded with a discussion of flopping genitalia when hanging out in the nude, and whether it hurt or not.
I have a “Love Buddha” on my night stand that Davey Barnes gave me with my wedding gift. I love him, and his little mahogany belly. At Honey Tree he was perched a top a fountain, those kind they sell at Hippie nature stores that “soothe and relax your senses.”
Buddha always makes me think of butt dimples now, I’m sure he had quite a few.
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Half Price Books has these fabulous little polar bear reuseable bags for $1.98 and all these cool odds and ends (like cards and calendars) to go with them. My idea: buy the bag and stuff it with goodies and put a big matching bow on the top. You’ll probably save lots of money (only buy one bag per person on your list) and you wont have to wrap a thing.
What I plan to do with the bags I buy (shhh, don’t tell my friends and family – good thing they don’t read this!):
Find a book at Half Price that you think they might enjoy, its Half Price – so it wont cost you much! Find a movie to match the theme of the book. Ie: if you buy them a copy of Atonement by Ian McEwan, buy them the movie with Kiera Knightley as well!; if you buy them a Civil War Coffee Table book, get them a documentary too! For kids, maybe get books that have Polar Bears in the story or on the cover: Pullman’s The Golden Compass series and maybe the movie to go with. Obviously, there’s still space in these reuseable bags. Bake some cookies, fudge, or candies (don’t know how, I bet Half Price or Amazon has a book on that too!). You might also want to add a small bit of artwork from Bryan Collins, he has small easily frameable prints for sale at bryandrinkscoffee.com. This will make these gift bags more personalized and family friendly – and you’ll still save lots!
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Just another stupid online rant…
Where the heck did my summer go? I worked so hard for so long because we were so busy, I didn’t do a single summer-like activity. No swimming pools in the sunshine, my bikinis have been left untouched, and we have dived head first into Fa-Winter. My years get shorter and shorter… and I just sit around getting older. I missed Halloween and it’s already Thanksgiving! Christmas will be here and that sucks.
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Working with books, my peers and I have a tendency to toss around terrible story ideas. We practically dare eachother to write something decent out of a bad idea.
June of 2008, the theme handed me was: Guy Gets Penny Stuck Up His Ass
Of course, when hard pressed for ideas, the terribly easy way out is to write smut. Smut is always easy, look at Harlequin. So here’s my Penny Ass story:
Aleks Stade was doing some of the best work of his life. The girl under him moaned loudly and he hoped her roommates would hear on the other side of the bathroom that connected the whole apartment. He took pride in the rumors spread about him and his skill in the sack. Stacey or Lacey, whatever her name, was two inches away from pulling the both of them off her twin bed and her head board shook uncontrollably. Down went the lamp, lights out.
Now, Sta-Lacey kept a jar of money on this rattling headboard of her’s – not for tips like a hooker or anything – just change she dug out of her pockets at the end of the day. Aleks saw her make a deposit from her jean pockets earlier in the night when they came back from Austin’s party on Greek Row. It was that season and Sta-Lacey had been sucking on trash can punch all night. She wasn’t a shot taker, she also wasn’t grossly trashed, just good and drunk – a slow, sweet kind of drunk.
She’d led him back to her apartment a few blocks away with a fresh cup of punch in her hand, the red plastic kind from the dollar store, nursing it as she quietly made her way back to her home, pinky linked with his. She was a focused drunk. “What are you thinking so hard about?” he laughed. Usually this is when the uber drunk would say, “Fucking you silly!” Bimbos.
“One- foot – in – front – of – the – other,” she answered instead, “And the beer I’m gonna have tomorrow with my aspirin.”
They’d been at it now for an hour at least. The headboard started to hit the wall.
He heard something fall and felt a shattering rain of change hit his backside as he and Sta-Lacey hit the floor. She was laughing and Aleks was –
crying.
With a penny in his ass.
Did he keep going? Or stop? He didn’t know. What did a guy do with a penny stuck in his colon during sex?
“Oh Alan,” the girl moaned.
“Aleks, its Aleks,” he kept fucking her.
She laughed again, “Yeah but who am I?”
He wasn’t listening anymore, he was thinking about the copper inching further up his colon as he inched further up her.
“Its Kacee, asshole.” And she laughed again, apparently getting off on his ignorance.
“Right – ahhhhhhh.” Fuck it all hurt and he wanted to stop!
Awhile later she stopped and dosed off, still on her floor. He crawled to the bathroom as her breathing settled and turned his backside to the mirror. There was a nickle hanging on to dear life by his own sweat on the back of his right thigh. At this point in time he knew that there was obviously something (he imagined a quarter by the size of it) lodged up his ass, but he hadn’t thought much beyond that and the searing pain.
Shower… take a shower…
He eyed the extendable hose of the shower head, stepped in, and turned on the water – ICE!
He turned the knob wanting to do a little dance to warm up while the water did the same, but moving hurt too damn much. Finally, the water got warm enough and he pulled the shower head off its hook and reached behind him, aiming at his ass crack. He hoped this would, you know, loosen everything up a bit. Instead, the water burned his cheeks and sprayed the object further inside his body.
He screamed a stream of curses, dropped the shower head and nearly fell on his very tender derrier. Aleks searched the shower frantically for a solution, trying to think more critically.
Hot pink loofa?
No.
Chick razor with soap attached?
No.
Neon yellow toothebrush?
What the hell did she have a toothebrush in the shower for?
Lavendar salty-things?
Nope.
He dumped the flowery shampoo on the floor of the tub as he fondled everything in search of salvation from his butt invader.
Body wash! Pomegranite body wash? Don’t be picky dumb ass.
He lathered up and prayed it would help.
So what happens next? Let’s write it together. The more outlandish and extreme, the more fun. Think Caprice Crane.
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I’m a big nerd that keeps lists. Here’s the list of my completed books (so far) for 2009. Keep in mind, I am also a bookseller and don’t just read what I like, but also what my customers like, to have opinions and comparisons to offer those customers. All reviews can be found on my shelfari.com account.
1. Pilgrim’s Progress – Bunyan (Jan.)
2. Sense & Sensibility – Austen (Jan.)
3. Gulliver’s Travels – Swift (Jan.)
4. Pride & Prejudice – Austen (Jan.)
5. Confessions of a Jane Austen Addict – Rigler (Feb.)
6. Suite Francaise – Nemirovsky (Feb.)
7. Oliver Twist – Dickens (Feb.)
8. Up the Down Staircase – Kaufman (Feb.)
9. Jane Eyre – Bronte (Feb.)
10. The Scarlet Letter – Hawthorne (March)
11. Mary Queen of Scots – George (March)
12. East of Eden – Steinbeck (March)
13. Little Chapel on the River – Bounds (March)
14. Banvard’s Folly – Collins (March)
15. Stupid & Contagious – Crane (March)
16. Decaffeinated Corpse – Coyle (March)
17. Series of Unfortunate Events #12 – Snicket (April)
18. Hitchiker’s Guide to the Galaxy – Adams (April)
19. Empire of Darkness – Jacq (April)
20. Kilmeny of the Orchard – Montgomery (April)
21. Blackbird – Lauk (May)
22. The War of the Crowns – Jacq (May)
23. The Castle – Kafka (May)
24. Lover’s Vows – Inchbald (May)
25. Amsterdam – McEwan (May)
26. Egyptian Magic – Budge (May)
27. Mansfield Park – Austen (May)
28. The Flaming Sword – Jacq (May)
29. Moby Dick – Melville (May)
30. Watermelon – Keyes (June)
31. A Wizard of Earthsea – Le Guine (June)
32. On Basilisk Station – Weber (June)
33. Nefertiti – Moran (July)
34. Zenith Rising – Goodell (July)
35. Coffee & Coffeehouses – Hattox (July)
36. Living Dead in Dallas – Harris (July)
37. French Pressed – Coyle (July)
38. City of Dreaming Books – Moers (July)
39. Time Was Soft There – Mercer (July)
40. The Curious Case of Benjamin Button – Fitzgerald (July)
41. Out of the Silent Planet – Lewis (July)
42. The Twelfth Transforming – Gedge (Aug.)
43. Far From the Madding Crowd – Hardy (Aug.)
44. At Home in Mitford – Karon (Aug.)
45. The Search for Nefertiti – Fletcher (Aug.)
46. A Great and Terrible Beauty – Bray (Aug.)
47. Pride & Prejudice & Zombies – Austen and Grahame-Smith (Aug.)
48. Fantastic Beasts and Where to Find Them – Scamander (Aug.)
49. Cathy’s Key (Aug.)
50. Founding Brothers – Ellis (Sept.)
51. Sunshine – McKinley (Sept.)
52. Club Dead – Harris (Sept.)
53. Hunger’s Brides – Anderson (Sept.)
54. Dead to the World – Harris (Sept.)
55. The Shadow of the Wind – Ruiz Zafon (Sept.)
56. Dead as a Doornail – Harris (Sept.)
57. Definitely Dead – Harris (Sept.)
58. Alice in Wonderland & Through the Looking Glass – Carroll (Sept.)
59. Uncle Tom’s Cabin – Stowe (Sept.)
60. Foucault’s Pendulum – Eco (Sept.)
61. Flying Colors – Forester (Oct.)
62. Commander Hornblower – Forester (Oct.)
63. The Heretic Queen – Moran (Oct.)
64. The Communist Manifesto – Marx (Oct.)
65. The Fountainhead – Rand (Nov.)
66. On Art and Life – Ruskin (Nov.)
67. All Together Dead – Harris (Nov.)
68. From Dead to Worse – Harris (Nov.)
69. The Piano Tuner – Mason (Nov.)
70. The Ghost and Mrs. McClure – Kimberly (Nov.)
71. Lady Susan – Austen (Dec.)
72. Jumper: Griffin’s Story – Steven Gould (Dec.)
73. Madame Bovary – Gustav Flaubert (Dec.)
74. Unclean Spirits – M.L.N. Hanover (Dec.)
75. The Reader – Bernhard Schlink (Dec.)
76. Rebel Angels – Libba Bray (Dec.)
77. Stardust – Neil Gaiman (Dec.)
78. The Looking Glass Wars – Frank Beddor (Dec.)
79. Seeing Redd – Frank Beddor (Dec.)
What have you read this year?
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The problem with today’s society, and myself, is when we get bored we become internet stalkers. The internet is the boob tube of the 2000’s. Clearly, I too am guilty as charged, or I wouldn’t be here blogging.
My favorite haunts:
shelfari.com – My obsession for books has invaded absolutely all corners of my life: home, work, and cyberspace
facebook.com – Everyone else was doing it, and apparently people don’t answer phones anymore, they just tell you to facebook them.
gublerland at matthewgraygubler.com – he’s quirky and creative, entertaining, and oh yeah, easy on the eyes.
bryandrinkscoffee.com – love seeing my favorite artist add new exciting work to his online gallery.
And now, of course, there’s twitter, which I don’t completely comprehend, but have joined anyway to feel more connected to the publishing world.
What sites do you stalk?
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“Fate, was my crime of such enormity”
To go on as I always do
To expect change like those defined as insane
“You whisper you have yet more harm in store
pursuing me with such severity”
I meant to be more than all this
But I suppose I’d rather not have far to fall
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Anakalian Whims 
Fantasy vs. Reality, Bella Swan Meet Emma Bovary
December 14, 2009 at 1:28 am (Reviews, The Whim) (austen, Bella Swan, book, cervantes, coming of age, edward, emma bovary, fantasy, fiction, flaubert, Kristen Stewart, love, review, romance, social commentary, twilight, twilight movie image)
Kristen Stewart, actress, as Bella Swan in the Twilight Saga movies
While reading Madame Bovary and coming to these conclusions, I couldn’t help but compare this theme to the realities of today – to the fad that is known as the Twilight Saga. Since I first read Stephenie Meyer’s books I have told people the story-line of the Twilight Saga is terribly frustrating because it sets unrealistic and pitiful standards on the beautiful thing that is love. Not to say the books are inherently bad, they were entertaining and held my attention until the end, but there are so many things young men and women should understand when sitting down to read these novels. Well, one thing specifically: Edward is not real. Jacob is not real. These boys do not exist, they will never exist. And truth be told, they don’t act like real men, and in the end, even if they did exist, you would be unsatisfied. Beware of expecting the wrong things and becoming the next Madame Bovary, wench of all wenches.
Below is a review of Twilight my sister Nikki Dawn Bratton wrote:
In short, read Twilight and New Moon, Eclipse and Breaking Dawn to your hearts content. Inwardly swoon all you want, but please, please, please, read Flaubert’s Madame Bovary as soon as you do. Get acquainted with Emma Bovary and understand her weakness for all affairs and selfishness, and remember that is not a road you want to take. Real love, real passionate and blissful love is patient, kind, does not envy, does not boast, is not rude or self-seeking, is not easily angered and keeps no record of wrong. It’s also a daily choice and a lot of hard work. Do it right and you will see the fruits of your labors. Do not expect butterflies and tingles every time you look at the object of your affection, but don’t be so certain that they ever completely desist either.
I love my fantasies, but I know I cannot be so involved in them to find reality boring. Books are awesome, but real life is the ultimate treat.
Buy Madame Bovary from Amazon.com
(And for fun, because I love this guy… http://musingsofahighschoolvampire.wordpress.com/2009/06/13/musings-of-a-high-school-vampire-cursing/)
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