Inappropriate Things to Do to Pregnant Women

September 23, 2010 at 9:54 pm (In So Many Words, The Whim) (, , , )

taken from

… and for some reason the masses think its ok…

* Squeal loudly at them, directing half the conversation at their enlarged gut.

(Back to that whole: “Please look at my face when we’re talking” kinda thing.  The kid isn’t out yet, it can’t see you making googoo faces at it, and talking baby talk at me isn’t going to accomplish anything anyway.)

* Rub the belly, attack the belly, poke the belly – pretty much any touching of the belly that you would not do if the person was not pregnant.

(We’re not Buddha, we can still feel that, if I didn’t want you rubbing my six pack at random in the super market I probably don’t want you doing it now – I can still feel that.  And don’t take it personally as though I have somehow slighted YOU because I didn’t want you to molest me.)

* Hit on them.

(On what planet is it ok to hit on someone who is having another man’s child?  Just because I’m having sex and there is obvious proof of that fact, doesn’t mean I want to have sex with you.  Don’t look at me like that, don’t ask for my number, and don’t keep talking to me after I tell you I’m married and wave my wedding ring at you.  Whether you have a twisted fetish or you’re just trying to make the “fat” girl feel good about her day – its creepy.  Don’t do it.)

* Lecture them about their tattoos.

(Just because I have a tattoo and I’m pregnant, does not mean that I went and got that tattoo while I was conceiving, seconds after the strip turned pink, or eight months into my pregnancy.  I’m not an idiot, I know that getting a tattoo while pregnant is not a good thing to do – why would you assume that’s exactly what I did?  I had a lifetime to get a tattoo… I’ve only got 10 months of being pregnant.  Use your brain.)


  1. Andrew said,

    “Lecture them about their tattoos.”

    Not exactly related, but this totally reminded me of when I was visiting a girlfriend one time. We went to different universities and so were doing the long-distance thing. Anyway, we were downtown and a young girl (younger than us at least) passed by with a short top and a really big tattoo on her belly. When the girl was some distance past us my girlfriend gave out a sigh of disgust.

    “That’s going to look just terrible when she gets pregnant.”

    Before I really thought it through, I blurted ,”Well, maybe she is not planning on ever having kids.”

    And I received a look from my girlfriend I will never forget. It wasn’t just disgust. Her whole evaluation of me had changed in that moment. It was one of those moments, apparently, when a boy should just agree with his girl wholeheartedly rather than draw attention to the flaw of knowing nearly nothing whatsoever about female psychology.

    Huge lesson that day. Huge.

    • anakalianwhims said,

      Haha… I probably would have said the same thing. I don’t think every girl should have to want to have kids.

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